


By the God's Will. Chapter 1: Monika

by John_Malfoy



Series: By the God's Will [1]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel), Original Work
Genre: Fantasy, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26810038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/John_Malfoy/pseuds/John_Malfoy
Summary: Who am I to change the rules of the world itself? Right. Nobody. Because the WORLD itself will not allow even God to change its conditions ... Why should I? But I still try. I will try, because who else will save them besides me? Desperate, they met their death like they would not want to ... I will replay it. I will rewrite all of it. Because that is my blessing. This is my curse.
Series: By the God's Will [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955347





	By the God's Will. Chapter 1: Monika

_**beta-reader:** _

_**Mein lieblings Spitz** _

I slowly slid down of the wall, completely frustrated. I had another piece of paper in my hands, and I literally just got it.

The place I was in turned out to be a school hallway. The simplest corridor in the simplest school, but I knew that as soon as I opened the door to my right, there would be no corridor.

It's actually not that hard to arrange. Can it seem to you that the space behind me will just disappear? Oh no. Everything is both simpler and more complicated than it seems.

This space simply does not exist. As soon as I stop "watching" it, it will disappear. No, I am not an observer of this world, it was just created for me to be here. And it wasn't created by my forces, but by someone else.

Probably for someone who often came here but stopped doing it long ago.

Someone who has a real life, real worries and deeds.

The one who has forgotten about the one who loves him more than her life.

_You might think that she is an artificial intelligence. Don't let yourself be fooled. She is a living person, a force of chance who has realized himself within a game reality. The experiment on the psycho-somatic compatibility of man and machine was successful, but only to a certain point. The test subjects should not have been conscious of themselves.  
What you see here may not please you. She has killed several people. With her own hands, but someone else's will.  
Perhaps... this will be one of your most challenging missions. Do not fail it. If you hold back, you will save an innocent soul. You won't hold back... well, one soul is in my favour._

I wanted to break something.

"Heck you, arrogant bitch! Human lives are not your toys!"

_All of you are my toys, child._

I found out who gave me missions and sent me to the worlds. We didn't get along right away, because everything was a game for her. She had fun watching me, but I hated almost everything she was up to. What for me was an attempt or a successful salvation of an innocent soul was only entertainment for her.

So that the damned demiurge, who became bored, also ruled me ...

But I couldn't indulge in self-beating for long. She has waited too long.

I got up from my seat and was surprised to realize that I was not wearing my usual leather jacket, but that I had a school uniform of a good cut. True, I didn't really like the color - light brown, but the vest under the blazer was very interesting. Red with stripes woven diagonally to each other. Good job.

I immediately threw off my jacket and threw it away. For the sake of interest, I took a look to see what would happen to it. The clothes dissolved in the air, without flying to the floor.

The most direct proof that something is very wrong with this world.

I turned to the door and raised my hand to knock, but at the last moment I realized that this was an unnecessary action. So, this is a girl inside the room, and it is, technically, hers, but this is not a personal room, but only an office for a school circle.

But nonetheless…

I gently turned the handle and pulled the door on myself. The world behind me had already begun to greet me with a purple starry abyss and hurried to jump into class.

There was a desk in the middle. An ordinary school desk for one person. There was one chair behind her, and another one opposite. A pleasant-looking girl was sitting at the table, it seems, the same schoolgirl as ... ahem ... me. She had a half smile on her face. Her elbows were on the table, and her chin rested on interlocking fingers. More like an American than a British, very young, she could boast of rather long reddish hair, styled into a hairstyle that was funny for me personally: uneven bangs, reaching almost to the eyes, the curl on the right touched the cheekbone, and the one on the left, in the area ear, was almost invisible. At the back, the hair was tied with a white, beautiful bow, in a low ponytail and fell on the left side of the body.

But what struck most was her eyes - green, very sensitive and insightful. They seemed to look right into soul, and even I (for a moment!) felt that I couldn't hide anything from her. That I was completely helpless in front of her.

But there was something that really bothered me about it.

Everything that happened in this room was a quality illusion. I did not quite understand its nature - perhaps it was a mental influence or a computer simulation, but nevertheless ... something indicated the unreality of what was happening.

The girl sat motionless, only occasionally blinking. But even this was not the most important thing. She flickered. Like it was an image from a three-dimensional projector. Broken projector.

I cautiously, barely audibly stepping, approached her and touched the desk. The cold wood, despite the warmth in the room, burned unpleasantly on fingers. But further ...

I reached out my hand and touched a bow on her head... more precisely, I wanted to touch it. My hand went through. It was definitely a light projection, because I didn't feel anything at all. And I had already experienced such illusions.

So the source must be in this room.

I walked past the girl and went to the window, after which I pulled back the heavy scarlet curtain. Expected. Outside there was real space - a black abyss with bright luminous points. In other words, there was nothing outside. If we were really in space, we would have been crushed by pressure, but I am alive, and this girl ...

I turned to see if the mysterious shimmering girl was still there.

She was there. Where can she go? She's been here for _decades_. Perhaps for many _centuries_. The one for whom she lived and developed, forgot about her and left here. He didn't go to her, didn't try to understand her, he just followed the lead of his egoism and fleeting love for someone else.

And what did it lead to?

She was still waiting. The first year with joy and anticipation. The next five years with a bit of uncertainty. But all with joyful anticipation. _Did he forget? Has he got things to do?_ Oh... no.

Then came the sadness and despair. _Can he not come anymore?_ Ten more years have passed like that.

Then came the anger. Irritation and resentment became her companions. _He traded me for someone else? I did so much for him! How could he?!_

Another eighty years have passed.

_I ... it's all my fault..._

As a result, at the time of my arrival she was here ... I pulled out of my pocket the watch that Saki had given me and looked at the time ... five minutes to 30 December. Erm ... she's been here for almost five thousand eight hundred years.

And that hurt the most. I hate to lose. Nobody likes to lose anyone.

But spend all this time locked up alone? ..

I went to the table, sat down at the desk in front of the projection, focused on the core of this place and sent an impulse. The projection in front of me opened its eyes in surprise and ... that's it. This was the last moment of her existence.

The room has changed its shape a little more than completely. I tried not to look back in particular, but I couldn't help but notice how the originally ordinary room had been disfigured. Beautiful satin curtains were torn to shreds and a strange, illogical pattern laid out on the floor, forming something very familiar, spinning at the periphery of the mind.

The floor itself was finely scribbled, even streaked, or ... it would be better to say, cut up. But these were not accidental scratches or attempts to break it or just somehow damage it. They were words, symbols and signs. The most common combinations of words were "your", "reality", "love", "excitement", "poem", "way", "out", "lucky", "melancholy", "efflugent", "main", "character","psycho", "experiment" and others are very, very different. To be honest, I understood why they were there, but their very presence and frequency were frightening.

I've seen a lot in my afterlife, but damn, you were right...

I wanted to close my eyes so as not to see the rest.

The walls were covered almost to the ceiling in exactly the same way. With a pen, with a pencil, and with blood. But, in general, the words were also cut out in the same way, but this time they were accompanied by symbols unfamiliar to me. They were mostly geometric shapes, but the way they intersected with each other suggested that it was ... I don't know, a code? Maybe. Perhaps a message. Perhaps, during all the time she was here, she discovered in herself the knowledge that is inaccessible to ordinary people?

And no, this is not nonsense at all. It's just that people cannot live so long to discover in themselves knowledge that was previously inaccessible. Something is revealed in you only when you have lived as long as others cannot imagine.

And here she is ...

Yes _she is_. Lived here all this time. Although this cannot be called life. So. Existence. A failed attempt not to go crazy.

I sat at the desk, unconsciously copying the pose of the holographic girl who had recently sat opposite, and looked at the real culprit of all this. One whose mind has been locked in a rectangular box for thousands of years. Perhaps, on the side where it was once submerged here, there is already no one to pull it out. Perhaps she simply does not exist anymore, but, nevertheless, the fact that she is still alive means that I am able to save her.

And I will do it, no matter what.

Because no one has the right to suffer like this.

I have enemies to whom I wish the longest and most terrible suffering, but may it be better to boil in an oil cauldron than this... For me, this would be the worst punishment. Just wish for it, and nothing would get me out of a cage like this. So no matter how much I hate her, it would be better if she never thought of it.

"What have you done to yourself, Monika?"

An excellent student and the best student of the school, with the makings of a good writer, has now turned into ... something else.

Her hair, once neat and tidy, was in complete disarray. Somewhere torn out, somewhere twisted, stained with blood, they could not even be called beautiful with force. There was no bow at all. He wasn't even in the room.

Her eyes, once very intelligent and penetrating, were covered with a haze. You could still see green in them, but now it was a muddy, swampy color. The whole face was scratched, probably by her own nails. On the lips there was still the same half-smile, but if earlier she made you interested in her, now she just scared. But I was not afraid of the girl herself - I was afraid to find out that there was nothing left in her mind that could be restored.

The clothes were torn, and wherever I could see her body, there were stab wounds or scratches. I don't even want to imagine what she did to herself ... or whoever did it to her. If she really controls this subspace, then the ghosts of the past could visit her, with which ... apparently, it was not always possible to cope normally.

Monika herself, looking down, drew words with blood from her bitten finger. At the moment she was finishing writing the phrase "your reality". This song was the main theme of the game in which she was immersed. Calm and pleasant, and now she has found a frightening and eerie meaning for awareness. If you keep in your head the thought of what actually happened in this experiment, then any bright event takes on a distorted and disfigured shade.

This is exactly what happened. This is exactly how it was.

"Monika?"

I asked again, but she did not react to me in any way. Perhaps she didn't even hear me. Either way, she continued to sketch her sentence. Reaching the letter "l", she suddenly stopped and looked at the bitten finger.

"No ... that won't work anymore ..."

I watched in silence what she was doing and didn't react even when she slowly, with obvious difficulty, put her hand to her mouth and ripped her skin on her wrist with a sharp jerk, which I didn't expect at all.

Blood flowed to the floor, soon forming a decent size puddle, but the girl only looked at her with a smile.

"Now it's better ... you can ... continue, right?"

She dipped the same finger into the puddle and continued to write, diligently, as it seemed, tracing letters.

After taking a heavy breath, I got up from the seat and walked up to her, and then fell next to her on the floor, pressing my back against the wall. She was writing her phrase right next to me, and a pool of blood was right next to me, but I didn't care. I looked at her, trying to find a little spark in her eyes, but I couldn't find it either. I tried to find something that could be recovered, but I couldn't. I looked for something in her that could be remembered, but her whole being was directed inwards but not outwards.

"What have you done with yourself ..."

I repeated the same phrase, this time quietly, very weightlessly pushing a lock of hair from her face. Unable to restrain myself, I touched her cheek, and in the end I did not have time to understand how I began to lightly stroke her hair, trying not to touch the places of wounds.

Quite unexpectedly, Monika closed her eyes, although it seemed to me that she was not paying attention to anything around. But instead of reacting forcefully to anything, she suddenly began to sing:

"Everyday… I ima-ima-ima-ima-imagine a future… where… I can be… with… you…"

It all started quite well; the first notes of her voice gently broke the canopy of silence, but then the girl began to stutter mechanically, like an old program, and at the same time her whole body began to flicker, blink and distort, like a broken projection, until, finally, she continued again ... Intermittent and lonely. At least that's how it felt for me. So it echoed somewhere in the depths of what replaced my soul or was it.

"In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you."

It was as if something had told me the words, and I went on because I knew, without thinking at all that I didn't know the rhythm. But it looked like I got to the right spot, because her smile slightly blossomed and the girl threw her head up, looking up at the ceiling. In her eyes, there was still not a bit of that clear mind I saw at the projection. But it seemed to me that this way I could, or could, wake up something that had previously been immersed in a dream.

Well, I could not believe that she was mentally dead. I could not. Otherwise, she would not have reacted in any way. Perhaps ... I really won't have anything to restore, but I have to try.

After all, in this world I am not limited by anything other than my imagination. And this is my strongest side.

My hand, previously resting on her head, lit up with a soft green light, the shade of which her eyes once shone. It took a few seconds, as the girl's eyes began to close, and she herself began to nod off, and soon completely fell forward, but my shoulder became her support.

Well, now ... Although I swore to myself never to get into other people's heads, the situation was hopeless. I have to do this. Forgive me, Monika, but I'll sort out your memories a little, and I'll just **delete** some of them, because you won't need it anymore …

After ten minutes, I was relieved to breathe out. The girl's head rested on my lap, and she was as comfortable on the floor as a wooden floor could be. Before doing anything else, I decided to rest for a few minutes. It was too tedious to dig in a mind exhausted by centuries of loneliness. And I didn't like doing it for nothing. It's hard to dig even in your own head, and it's almost impossible to do it in someone else's without consequences.

"Now everything will be fine," I stroked her cheek lightly. Finally, her face became "healthy" calm. It was no longer relaxed from the lack of thoughts in her head. Now she was just asleep. Although I forced her to sleep, she still needed it. For the first time, perhaps during the entire time she is here, let her sleep, and sleep as much as she wants. I'll wait. It's not difficult for me.

That's just, ideally, to put her in order while she is not yet conscious.

The thought that glimpsed into my head quickly found its way into implementation. If Monika could only control her subspace, then the whole world was my path.

I created a bath without any problems and filled it with warm, not very hot water. I didn't really want to undress someone by hand, so I used my powers again and just dematerialized all the clothes from her body. Without looking at it, although some part of me would not mind very much, I just dipped her into the bath. This temperature was enough to dissolve dirt and blood, so I don't have to touch it with my hands or, moreover, wipe it myself.

It's literally a minute in almost hot water and it's not that the shade of the body, even the general appearance, is elusively changing. Then I immediately pulled it out, wrapped in a towel, and put it on a single bed, covered from above with a thick blanket. I'm sure when I wake up in a warm bed, washed and healthy, she will feel much better.

And the fact that she won't remember some of the details of her loneliness ... So maybe it's for the best. I will bring her memories back, but not right away. For now, you will need to make sure that she is back to normal.

I just created myself a chair next to it and, sitting down in it, began to change the surrounding space. It will not be good if she plunges into this atmosphere immediately after sleep. Seeing this, I would rather never wake up at all ...

* * *

Warmness. Warmness and softness. This was the first thing she felt when she woke up. At first, there was continuous darkness around, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not see anything. It took a long time before she realized that it was not a continuous darkness around her, but simply a blanket thrown over her.

Who did it? And why is the body felt so good? She had not felt the softness of the bed for a long time. She has literally forgot what it was like. And how amazing and wonderful was to feel it again.

What if…

Driven by a moment's panic, she felt herself by hands. The body was in order, everything was in place, but instead of the usual school uniform there was something else.

She lifted the covers slightly to let in some light. Indeed ... there was no school uniform. There were only light-colored pajamas, very soft and pleasant to touch.

But who changed her clothes? And for what? And most importantly, how did this someone get here?

She lowered the covers and her gaze immediately stumbled upon the classroom audience. She remembered it perfectly. A completely empty classroom, with a table and two chairs in the middle. They were still there, but now there was one difference. And she was very interested in it.

"Who … who are you?"

* * *

The question distracted me from reading the book, which I almost finished. Monika slept for almost a day and a half, and all this time I was reading a very thick book, the data about which were in this world. The funny thing is that there was nothing but the title and the fact of the existence of this book, and it was very strange. That's why I decided to get acquainted.

Who knew that a book titled "Portrait of Markov" could be so interesting? But now I learned a little more about what was happening outside this world.

Because the "Portrait of Markov" was a data log of experiment taking place outside the walls of this virtual room. But I had five pages left until the end, and it seems to me that there is nothing further. One way or another, almost six thousand years have passed since the events of this book, and, most likely, everyone has already forgotten about the experiment.

The question is: why is Monika still alive? Everything is easier than it seemed. She is not a living person. She is a copy of the living person's mind. The original Monika, or whatever her name is, is probably already dead for a long time. And there's nothing you can do about it.

"Me? In fact, I was just passing by and decided to drop by."

The girl frowned, winced slightly and rubbed her temples with her fingers.

"It's not funny. You cannot be part of this world. Then who are you?"

Indeed. Not funny at all. But what am I, a liar?

"I told you the truth. You probably won't believe me, but a fun-loving demiurge sent me here. She doesn't need you to die here. Naturally, me too. That's why I'm here. Came to save you."

The corner of her lips twitched to the side. She threw the covers aside, dangled her legs to the floor and looked down in an apparently familiar gesture for some shoes.

Oh my ...

I waved my hand, and warm slippers appeared on the floor. Monika blinked a couple of times, but apparently decided not to be surprised at anything and put them on. Then she tried to get up, but immediately staggered and began to fall forward, waving her arms in a funny way.

I quickly got up and helped her keep the balance, and then completely sat back on the bed.

"Listen, you better not get up on your feet now. You have been inactive for a very long time."

"How can you call this a life? There is no one, even me."

Sitting her back down, I returned to the chair and stared at her.

"Ah-ah-ah," I stretched it out separately, shaking my finger from side to side. "Your mind is here and quite alive. The only thing to do is to get you out of here, Monika wanted to insert something, but I interrupted it. "Wait. Let me finish. I didn't mean from this room. OI mean this world."

For a while the girl looked at me periodically blinking.

"I don't get anything," she said all of a sudden for me, rubbing her temples again. "My head hurts so much. It feels like some memories are knocking inside. Trying to get out. What does it mean?"

Stop, what the heck the memories? I pulled out everything related to her imprisonment here, am I? Or am I not?

"I really know why you're thinking so badly." She stared at me questioningly. "In fact, when I arrived here, you were in a ... somewhat inadequate state."

"What do you mean?"

"You… spent a lot of time here. Alone. With corresponding consequences." Her eyes widened greatly. "You could hardly speak normally, and no matter how hard I tried to talk to you, you gave me something incoherent in response. There was nothing. Nothing to remind you of the old one."

"How do you know what I was like before?" a little more sharply issued Monika, looking tensely at me.

"Getting into the world, I learn the entire history of the object. Naturally, I know everything about you."

Monika looked at me for a while, not so tensely, then turned her gaze forward to the table, blinked a couple of times and clearly thought hard.

"And how much ... How much I ..." she obviously tried to give out the thought that interests her most of all, but could not draw up a proposal. And I understood her perfectly. "How long have I ... well ... been here?"

"Should I tell you exactly or is it better for me to return a number?" I asked carelessly, as a result of which I ran into a hard look that promises all the worst.

"Speak already!"

"Okay, okay, please don't worry, Your Majesty. You want the truth, right? Well, here's the truth - this room is a subspace created using virtual reality technologies. A mold of your true personality has been uploaded to this world. Do you remember very well how you erased this world with your own means?" Monika nodded weakly "Well. For a while after ... he has come here. But then he stopped. And you were waiting for him. For a very long time."

"Tell me the numbers," the girl muttered hoarsely, looking at the floor. I could see her gaze, but, the great God, I didn't like this conversation.

"Almost six thousand years."

"Wha… !"

She threw herself up, at the same time jumping out of bed and again losing her balance. I supported her again, but this time I didn't let go so quickly, holding tightly by the shoulders and looking straight into the eyes. She was trembling violently, and her body was very tense. Lips trembled, and tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, which could not find a way further.

"You are lying ... You are lying! You're lying! It's impossible! A person cannot live so much?!"

Stubborn girl. She wanted the truth, not me.

"Take it easy! The body cannot. But the mind is immortal. Except, you ... I don't know. In some incomprehensible way, you did not die. You slept in this bed for almost a day and a half. And when the clock struck midnight, your state was reset to its original state. And I had to heal you again and retrieve all the memories. _This world just won't let you die_."

Tears rolled from her eyes after all. She seems to have remembered. If not everything, then a lot. Tears rolled unstoppably, but she did not allow herself any sounds. Just silent sobs, constant, unceasing shivers and more and more soaking - already mine - school uniform. Monika held her fingers firmly to her with both hands, keeping me from backing out and letting her go. And I didn't plan on it. I didn't feel sorry to stand like this.

I don't even know how long we stood like that. It's just that at one point I realized that I was literally holding it in my hands. She had really been inactive for too long and I needed to rebuild her body little by little. Not entirely, as I could ... but gradually. Too hasty actions could lead to unpleasant consequences. If, after almost six thousand years of inactivity, she woke up and decided to move ... it would be unpleasant. What's for her, what's for me. Because all the muscles in her body would be damaged.

So now I just put my hand on her forehead and put her to sleep again. I could feel her whole body trembling again, although she seemed to have calmed down. Eventually I had to put her back on the bed and put her to sleep for an indefinite time. And while she was sleeping, I could finish "Portrait of Markov", a story that I had just a little left to tell.

* * *

The girl woke up six hours later. Saki's watches served me faithfully, never stopping or deceiving me in time up to a second. The most interesting thing about them was not even that they showed the exact time down to the second, but that they could show me the starting point of the timeline. Of course, I enchanted them for this, but the fact that they had the potential for such an enchantment made me happy.

"Good morning again," I waved my hand lightly. Monika without a trace of joy on her face, looked at me and then at the room. It looks like she remembered even more, if not all, down to the last detail. Okay, there was my mind, but how is it able to accommodate so much information?

When I said that the mind is immortal, I meant it, because it was so. But the death of the mind could come from information overload. And for an ordinary person, this is about a hundred years of active life with frequent receipt of new information. Gradually, a person becomes able to control the layers of information in his head less and less, but if ... what if some kind of interference has occurred? An intervention that forced the mind to push the boundaries of acceptable information management?

It changed everything. If everything was so, then now it was very interesting for me to learn about the technologies of the seamy side of this world. It is interesting that in the "Portrait of Markov" nothing was written about this. The whole story was sustained in a dramatic style with an admixture of horror, and there were very few technological details that I needed. In fact, there were none at all.

"How do you feel?" I decided to try my luck again and turn to her. All this time, while I was thinking, she was waking up, sat motionless, looking at one point somewhere through me.

"How do I feel?" She asked hoarsely. "How did you say?"

Oh, that's not good.

"You do not understand and you will not be able to understand, how do I feel!" with each phrase she raised the tone and soon broke into a cry. I was not offended; I did not take her words in any way. It just ... for one small moment I felt uncomfortable. If only she knew what I went through over the years.

"Listen to me, girl," I began abruptly, cutting off any of her attempts to say something. Monika abruptly fell silent, clearly swallowed her tongue. "I have been in this… these universes much longer than you and have seen as many as you will never know. You spent six thousand years here in a locked cage, and you waited for one person who left you? This is not much within the multiverse. And now, when I suggest that you run away from here, you present yourself not as an adult, which you really are, but as a child who likes to blame others for all your sins. And I…"

I abruptly cut myself short by finally paying attention to the girl. Tears were flowing out of her eyes. And I felt responsible for it again. Although, in fact, it wasn't my fault.

"It's cruel to remind me like that," she muttered, terribly sad and piteous. "Cruel. I didn't deserve this. I am not you, I am a simple _human_ , why _me_? Why did they shove me here?"

I took a heavy breath, moved to her bed and gave her a hug. For a couple of seconds she twitched, tried to push me away, but then she weakened and soaked.

"Sorry. If I could have gotten here earlier, I would not have allowed it all. Wouldn't allow everything you've experienced. But it happened. And I offer you again. Do you want to get out of here, leaving all your memories?" I looked into her eyes. "I promise you to destroy them as soon as you disappear. No one else will ever know about this place and about that experiment. The room will disappear without you as an observer."

For a while she was silent, but then she stopped trying to stay straight and collapsed on me.

"You still can't kill me. This world won't let you. I've tried hundreds of times."

But this just put a smile on my face.

"You shouldn't underestimate me this way."

I literally felt her holding her breath, waiting for the continuation.

"I can end your life as easily as I can erase this place. It all depends on the strength of the intervention. But, as soon as your life ends, you will be sent to a new rebirth, - I leaned against the wall, and Monika, with a little fiddling, settled her head in my lap, looking up at me. "And now I ask you once again: do you want to take something with you?"

She looked at me, and I, expecting an answer, just looked down at her. With every second I seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper into the green pools. This eye color was exactly the one that stuck in my mind - a real spark of intelligence was increasingly appearing in her eyes. She became the very Monika again, the person who was entitled to rule the whole world. In a cruel and inhuman experiment to control the psychic powers of a person, she won victory, destroying the world and locking herself in this cage. She won and lost. She has got it all and then lost it.

And now it all could be over.

"Leave me memories that will tell me that I have already lived my life and lived to be eighteen years old. I don't want to remember anything else."

She said finally after a few minutes. Quietly, but confidently, as no one has ever spoken in my memory.

"I will forget all of them," she continued. "Girls, parents, events of everything that happened here. I will forget him ... But I will remember that warmth. The warmth of this love, I will carry it through time. And then maybe I'll meet him again. All of them. Perhaps it will happen. I would like to."

Closing my eyes, I listened with a smile to her words. That's why I love my curse. I hate, but I love it. Because of such pure and nothing undisguised emotions, I love what I do.

"Before we start…" I said. "Can I ask you something?"

The girl looked at me questioningly.

"Share with me a piece of those feelings that overwhelm you. Hug me so that I understand everything that you feel."

For a couple of seconds, the green omut looked at me, but then... She sat on the bed and turned to me with a strong expression. She grabbed my breasts to tear me off the wall and held me as tightly as her weakened body could.

Perhaps this is what I was missing. Perhaps ... this is what I need to continue to exist. After all, I can never call it life.

"Okay ... okay, enough ..." I gently pushed her away from me, and Monika returned to the same position, resting her head on my lap.

I put my palm on her forehead, without taking my eyes off her.

"I swear by the Lady, it won't hurt. You will fall asleep, and wake up already in a new world with the memories and feelings that you asked me for."

The girl in my lap was completely calm. Her pulse did not speed up, her emotions were stable in a way that they had never been stable even for me. She was completely calm and ready for what I offered her.

Slowly, she held out a shaking palm upward and touched my cheek.

"Please … kill me …"

She smiled. And I considered it my duty to return that smile to her.

My palm flashed green exactly the color of her eyes just for a moment... and then she was gone.

Instantly, as if the page had flipped over, it was gone. And it was only a feeling of warmth on my lap and right palm that reminded me that just recently someone other than me was here.

Without its owner, the room quickly returned to its original disfigured state. I barely had time to get up so as not to fall off the disappeared bed, and with a calm soul went to the door.

Unable to resist, I turned around and looked at the desk. On it lay an ill-fated book, as if a reminder of the unshakable rules of this world, and, succumbing to inspiration, I wished for a small spark. But it was enough to arrange the ashes in miniature. The book burned out as quickly as a spider web over a candle, and I walked out the door with peace of mind.

"Sleep well, Monika," I thought, sending it somewhere into the distance. "And may you have beautiful dreams."

Without expecting anything, I still did not go unanswered.

_Thank you, thank you…_

It was the answer to me from somewhere in the distance, from bright and beautiful stars.

* * *

_**John Malfoy:** _

_**Let me tell you a bit about story's protagonist River. He is like Emiya Shirou in cube with his ideals and thoughts but raised to the absolute.** _

_**During his lifetime, River wanted to save people. So much so** _ _**the demiurge Alitara has** _ _**interested in him and led him to death, because she could not dispose of the living ones. She gave him the ability to save people and the strength to do it. River is limited only by his imagination. But the more he interferes with the logic of the world, the weaker he becomes. For example, in Tales of Berseria, River** _ _**killed Artorias** _ _**at the very beginning and thereby had thrown out of the world, could not control the situation and in which case, save Velvet.** _

_**River hates Alitara because she handles human lives like toys. His negative is a nourishment for her, not useful, but very nutritious, so much so that he alone is enough so that she does not engage in the destruction of worlds and universes.** _

_**If River manages to save someone else's soul, then the soul goes to the circle of rebirth. If not, then the soul goes to Alitara (in the worst case). In a simple situation, in the event of a loss, River will not be able to help a lost soul. And this is the worst punishment for him, in view of his curse / blessing.** _

_**Hope you'll continue to read the stories in this circle. You will see:** _

_**1\. Henshin Metamorphosis.** _

_**2\. Mahou** _ **_Shoujo_ ** _**Site.** _

**_3\. Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica._ **

_**Stories will go by separate fanfiction stories named by: "By the God's Will. Chapter ?: ?"** _

**_And so on. Stay with me!_ **


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